A painful experience opened my mind to pondering the presentation of words and the power and effect that their presentation can have upon the recipient. I began to imagine communication as wrapped packages or presents exchanged between two or more people. The wrapping of each package can have an effect on the initial reaction/response of the recipient.
Imagine receiving a package wrapped in bright paper, ribbons and bows with each corner neatly folded. The time and effort the sender has taken is easily visible and makes it easier to receive the package with an open and grateful heart.
Then, imagine receiving a package wrapped in a dirty smelly sock. How much harder it would be to accept this package.
Words are like packages that carry within them information and emotion—an exchange of ideas and understanding—but do we always understand? The words are not the important part of communication. Instead, the meaning behind the words and the emotions conveyed by them is the core to our understanding.
But the way we present our communication, can set us up for the success or failure of being understood. Even if the speaker has something to say that is important and or true,if it was said in a negative/offensive way, the recipient may have already hardened their heart to whatever the speaker has to say and completely disregard the message. Or,if we joke about what we mean, the importance of the message becomes less so and the recipient may disregard it because they perceive it was unimportant.
Sometimes harsh words are said to wound and inflict, and most of the time, behind the hurtful words is a wounded heart. A wounded heart can be weak, but it can also be malleable, and in that state the heart has an opportunity to be changed and shaped. When we communicate negatively, this negates the ability to change the heart into something better and instead hardens the heart. The spirit of contention, whose purpose is to tear down, destroy and make all men miserable, can easily overwhelm if we let it in and quickly lock our hearts to the spirit of forgiveness.
On the other hand, kindness builds and strengthens. Great power comes from bridling our passion. It is a mistake to think that restraint is a weakness. I would rather be secure and stable than let passionate emotion rage forth and create a chaos of my life. I would rather people respected me than be afraid of me. I would rather people loved me because I loved them instead of because I was “right”.
Be careful of the desire to tell someone off, show them up, or give them a piece of your mind. These seem so satisfying, but are self-gratifying, and are only ways to nurse pride and lose respect. There are better ways to communicate frustration and anger, without attacking.
