True Love

 Like in the fairytales, true love is real.

     However, it is not so commonly occuring or easy as eyes meeting across a ballroom or a magical kiss. While I woke up this morning a few thoughts approached me and I began to ponder: love is not found through lust and true love requires work. 

                                     

     Sometimes we attempt to find love through the expression of physical intimacy but that is not how it is found. Instead, physical intimacy can squelch true love.

Love is not easy; however, it is not a complicated ten-chalkboard-long math equation either.

        We can definitely pray for love, have hope for love, and be grateful for love, but to feel and show true love takes action.

Prayer is always the first step—to get on our knees is the foundation for success, but we will have only a foundation unless we pick up the tools provided for us by the Saviour and start building Love.

True love takes time.

In his article “Love Takes Time” Marvin J. Ashton shares a relatable story: “Upon returning home from his day’s work, [a] father greeted his boy with a pat on the head and said, “Son, I want you to know I love you.”

     The son responded with, “Oh Dad, I don’t want you to love me, I want you to play football with me.” Here was a boy conveying a much-needed message.”

Marvin J. Ashton also states the importance of building love: “True love is a process. True love requires personal action. Love must be continuing to be real. Love takes time. Too often expediency, infatuation, stimulation, persuasion, or lust are mistaken for love. How hollow, how empty if our love is no deeper than the arousal of momentary feeling or the expression in words of what is no more lasting than the time it takes to speak them.”

In dating relationships and even at times in marriage, love is sometimes sought for in the expression of physical intimacy. How mistaken are we if this is where we think we will find it. This “arousal of momentary feeling” inevitably pushes love farther from the heart and replaces it with lust. Self-esteem is lowered, confidence in ourselves and in each other dwindles. Trusting smiles are replaced with regretful silences or angry words of blame and our hearts become impenetrable with barriers of distrust and guilt. Giving way to selfishness and greed opens up a Pandora’s Box.

Little do we realize that in these unfortunate moments the expression of inappropriate physical intimacy pushes us farther away from the one we say we love. Trying to save a relationship through physical intimacy slowly but surely destroys it; lust is like the silent yet deadly carpenter ants which burrowing and feeding creates weaknesses in our foundation. The structure of the relationship becomes precarious and if not corrected will crumble and fall.

Lust mocks love. How Satan laughs and rejoices as he succeeds in confusing us with his imitation and steals the light from our eyes. We are blinded to true love as we willingly give up our agency in the expression of lust in the search for love.

Lust is a poison. Lust destroys. Rather than uniting and saving, inappropriate physical intimacy causes a relationship to fail. The only thing that succeeds, the only thing that lasts is Charity. Charity is the greatest of all, the pure love of Christ, and the only thing that cannot fail. It is the only thing we can rely on. Everything else must and will fail.

Don't wait for love--create love.

True love must be developed with kindness, service, patience, respect, prayerful understanding, and all of the little acts of time spent, genuine concern, patient listening and sincere repentance and forgiveness.

True love doesn't go missing. Like a car that hasn't had an oil change in years and has remained unused rusting in the ditch, or a plant without sunlight or water which then dies, love, if not provided with maintenance and nurturing, will get rusty, sick or die. Love takes work.

 

Being intimate can be one of the most beautiful expressions of love, but when it is used to find love, or even rediscover a love that once was there, it becomes sickening. Nevertheless, I believe the more we truly love one another the more exquisite and beautiful the expression of physical intimacy—not the other way around. Inasmuch as love and lust are polar opposites, moving towards one separates us from the other. Physical intimacy can be a beautiful way of expressing true love, but only when that love is built and established on a sure foundation.

With true love, like in the fairy-tales, we can live happily ever after.